The Ultimate Anal Sex Guide: Experience A New Pleasure

Anal sex is rarely the first sexual experience someone undertakes. Doing so requires lots of preparation and willingness to try new things.

But there’s a reason why people go through with it. For receivers and givers, anal provides a new sort of pleasure.

The more you practice safe anal sex, the more satisfaction you can get out of it. You need to take time with your early attempts and be prepared not to have it perfected right away.

Don’t just get yourself hard and spread without understanding what you’re getting into. First, read this helpful anal sex for beginners' guide with all the information you need to know.

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11 Musts of Anal Sex

How to have anal sex is a common question, and it's totally normal to feel hesitant in the beginning.

Compared to other sorts of intercourse, it requires way more prep work and trial and error.

But it doesn’t need to be a painful experience, especially not if you’re following these guidelines.

1. Lubrication

You should be using lube for good intercourse no matter what, but it’s not an option with anal sex, because it doesn’t secrete natural lubrication. You won’t get anywhere unless you have ample lube available.

It shouldn’t be just any lubricant either. Find one that’s been designed for anal usage, as these tend to be more viscous and result in better anal experiences.

A gel-based lube doesn’t require as much reapplication, but you should add more whenever you or your partner sense dryness occurring.

2. Selecting Toys

Anal doesn’t solely involve a penis inside an asshole, and it shouldn’t start there. There are toys designed for anal play specifically, which can help open you or your partner up.

You probably know about things like butt plugs. These are an excellent starting point.

As you master things like those or anal beads, you can make the leap to more complex devices, including battery-operated ones.

Do not choose anything unless you know that it’s been made for anal play. Without the proper base for easy removal, a toy could get stuck inside you.

3. Put Your Mind At Ease

Mental and physical stress are connected. If you’re worked up, it’s going to be difficult for you to be loosened up, especially not the way you need to be for anal.

There’s a reason why people who are constantly in a sour mood are called “tight asses.”

However, a great way to get relaxed is by getting aroused. You should be using your foreplay time not only to get yourself turned on but also to get yourself calm.

4. Play With Your Ass

Engaging the ass can be done without putting anything too big inside. Getting used to the sensation can begin with a finger that has plenty of lube on it.

Start with a fingertip and go from there. Encourage verbal communication so you know if you’re in the clear to go further or if you should pull out.

Make each new anal insertion carefully. These should never be rushed.

5. Don't Start Thrusting Immediately

You might’ve seen anal sex depicted in porn videos that feature wild thrusting. While you might graduate to this level, the early stages need to be handled as gently as possible.

The idea of anal sex being inherently painful is misleading. What’s more likely is that people believe they should be going at the same rate they do for vaginal intercourse.

Should you be a receiver, speak up about your partner’s penetration speed and if it’s too much. They should be happy to accommodate you.

6. Cleanliness Assurance

The butt is associated with feces, but that doesn’t mean anal sex has to be a filthy affair.

It requires more maintenance preparation than other forms, but it’s hardly anything to get stressed over.

We’ll tell you more about this further one. Much of it is common sense.

7. External Sensitive Zones

Ass lovers know that the sphincter isn’t the only joyous part of anal sex.

The ass cheeks are incredibly sensitive and get them rubbed or otherwise touched can be supremely pleasurable.

Also, it’s way more romantic this way.

8. Anal Shouldn't Ever Be Painful

Anal sex is like a workout. If you using proper form, it shouldn’t hurt.

It definitely can hurt through going too hard and/or not being lubed up enough, but those are issues that are easy to solve.

Further on, I’ll tell you more about what you can do to make anal sex as painless as possible.

Work to remove the association of anal sex with pain from your mind.

9. Discover Your Pleasure Points

Even if a partner is as careful as possible, having your ass stimulated like this can be uncomfortable. It’s a body part that’s not used to having things put inside it.

Put some anal lube on your finger and get the tip inside you. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out your mouth to help yourself become more relaxed.

You might be fine with your partner touching your ass, but this can really increase your assurance. It also allows for less time spent practicing with them.

10. Position Changes

Another misconception of anal sex is that it can only occur in the doggy style position. While this is an excellent choice for this kind of sex, it’s not the only one.

Missionary or cowgirl-style sex is also possible with anal sex. Try as many ways as possible to see which type works best for you.

11. Do You Enjoy It?

There are lots of things to keep in mind when having anal sex, but the biggest is not to do it if you don’t like it.

It’s straightforward. If you’ve gone heavy on the lube and are taking it slow but still don’t like how anal feels, don’t try to condition yourself into doing something that isn’t your style.

Sexual exploration is great, but no one should be expected to enjoy everything. Anyone who’s tried anal should know early on whether it's for them.

Getting Ready For Anal

Before you try anal, you need to be clean. It’s common sense and can prevent gross-out moments from ruining your first anal experience.

Cleaning yourself out means you can avoid anxiety about what the other person might come across. We’re aware some people have peculiar kinks, but that’s a whole different ballgame.

But cleaning doesn’t just mean your ass is wiped and/or rinsed a little. You should also consider lifestyle changes and practices like the ones below.

Watch What You Eat

A poor diet can lead to unfortunate bowel movements that are difficult to clean up. Therefore, getting ready for anal can be more of a hassle.

You might think you’re cleaning yourself properly, but that’s not the case when your partner gets inside you and finds something unclean.

Follow a diet of lots of vegetables and other natural, healthy things. You should also be drinking as much water as possible.

You shouldn’t be doing just for your anal experience. You should be doing it as a means of keeping yourself healthier all-around.

Don't Cross Contaminate

Fecal matter isn’t just icky. It’s also full of bacteria, which can cause infections if it touches your vagina.

A moment of carelessness is all it takes to bring fecal matter to your vagina. Things may be okay if you respond quickly enough, but it’s better to not let it happen in the first place.

You need to wash anything that touches the anus if it’s going to touch the vagina. Another plan is separating your hands for the ass and the vagina.

Whatever you choose, make sure you’re always cleaning up after sex.


Using an anal douche isn’t something you have to do, but it can give you peace of mind about things staying clean.

There’s not much to douching. You put warm water in the device, get the end that goes inside you lubed, and then rinse out your ass.

Position yourself above your toilet. Once the water is clear, you’re in the clear.

Pain Free Anal

Don’t fall for the idea that pain is inevitable in anal sex. People who think this are gullible or are using really shabby practices.

It can feel a little weird at first, but that has more to do with how you’re doing it, not the act itself.

1. Slow Down

Trying to force your penis or another object into your partner too suddenly is a large reason for pain during anal sex.

You have a nervous system so you know how to protect yourself from harm. Something is wrong if you’re getting pain from anal sex, and you need to recalibrate.

2. The Need for Lube

Having as much lube as possible on the anus and anything that goes inside will make your anal a lot better. More lubrication means easier access and more comfort.

With toys, you need to ensure it works with the anal lube you’re using. Try to not use any that lower sensitivity, as these might cause you and your partner to go harder than is safe.

3. Get Yourself Relaxed

Soothing yourself will make things better for anal sex. Don’t rush yourself at any point in this process.

Loosening up can make you happier and look more forward to anal. You can listen to some calming music or do some exercise.

Your partner can help you as well. Ask them for a massage or to do some others of foreplay, such as performing oral sex on you.

4. Choosing A Position

You’re not limited to any one position for anal sex. What matters is that the person receiving can mandate how hard things go.

If you’re going to be the receiver, make sure you’re picking a position that you like and that you feel comfortable directing from.

Don’t continue any position that’s difficult or painful.

Can You Really Have An Anal Orgasm?

Getting an orgasm through your ass is a real possibility. The proximity to the vagina/penis means that you can cum from anal penetration.

You need to make sure you’re totally calm and ready for immense pleasure.

There are different ways you can have an anal orgasm.

You can get your G-spot worked by your partner while you’re being anally penetrated.

Another option is stimulating your clit yourself during anal. Men can receive anal pleasure to, as anyone who’s had a prostate orgasm can tell you.

1. Masturbation

You need to make sure you’re totally calm and ready for immense pleasure.

There are different ways you can have an anal orgasm.

You can get your G-spot worked by your partner while you’re being anally penetrated.

Another option is stimulating your clit yourself during anal. Men can receive anal pleasure to, as anyone who’s had a prostate orgasm can tell you.

2. Importance of Foreplay

An anal orgasm means prioritizing foreplay. To get used to the idea of feeling something deep inside your anus, you need to get used to having it, and the surrounding area worked.

Some fingering or mouth action can drive you wild. Another idea is getting yourself to cum and then trying anal.

If there’s one way to get yourself relaxed, it’s by having an orgasm. 

Prepping With Toys

Using toys can help you get your anus loosened up. When this happens, getting things inside you can be a lot easier.

Don’t rush this part either. You want to keep yourself comfortable at any point in your anal adventure.

As you’ve adapted to smaller toys, you can try larger ones. You should feel like an old pro by the time you have full-on anal sex.

You might be too eager to just get down to business, but you’re going to thank yourself for training properly. There can be a lot of pleasure from your preparation.

1. Quicker Relaxation

Getting yourself calm quickly is vital when you’re putting things inside your anus. But you can’t just tell yourself to relax and expect it to happen.

There are some practices you can try. For instance, exercising or meditation can really help. Make these part of your daily routine so you can more easily enter the relaxation mindset.

2. Which Toys Should I Use?

A good place to start with toys is using a butt plug or getting a quality set of anal beads. Make sure you’re starting as small as possible. From there you can start upping the size.

A butt plug is meant to stay inside your anus. The deeper it goes, the more enjoyment you can get out of it.

Anal beads look a bit like jewelry, but this isn’t for wearing. They go inside the anus for stimulation.

These are both safe to use as long as you’re getting ones that are safe for anal usage. 

3. Patience

We're not going to give you any single answer about how long it will take for you to figure out anal sex. Some people get it on the first try while others need multiple sessions before they have it figured out.

Don't compare yourself to anyone but yourself. Use as many of these methods are possible.

Avoid getting ahead of yourself as well. You might really want to jump from finger play to penis penetration, but doing too much too soon would be a mistake.

Consistency is also important. Taking an extended break from anal sex means you might have to relearn some of your methods for relaxing, as well as getting used to the feeling again.

Communicating Is Key

When you're having anal sex, you need to be clear to your partner about what you want and don't want. This is important for all sexual acts, but it's especially important for anal.

A lot of trust is necessary for anal sex to go well. You may decide that you need to have more intimacy with your partner, which can include conversational intimacy.

Keep up the conversation while having anal sex. Speak up or have them speak up whenever need be. If they're receiving, check-in on a consistent basis to make sure they're okay.

Sometimes, it'll be hard to tell ho much they're enjoying something based on their body language. That's why you need to show them that you're interested in their well-being all the way through.

Enjoy Yourself!

The great piece of advice we can give about anal sex is to embrace it. After all, it's sex, and it's one of the best kinds you can have if you do it right.

Getting stressed about sex can be caused by thinking too much about what you should be doing and not just enjoy the moment and your partner.

No one needs to know that things didn't go perfectly the first time around. If they were to judge you for that, it would say a lot about what kind of a person they are.

Handle yourself maturely when having anal sex. Get yourself loosened up and find ways to break any tension there might be.

You and your partner can also discuss expectations and previous experiences, if necessary. If they've had anal sex before, you can follow their lead.

However, don't let this stop you from speaking up when you need to. Your partner might try something that doesn't work for you. When this happens, you need to call an audible.

You can make the lead up to anal lots of fun too. If you're really comfortable with your partner, you might let them perform an anal douche on you.

#1 Anal Play Toy

Due to it's stainless steel construction, temperature play capabilities, and overall design quality, the Njoy Pure Wand is our top choice for anal play.